I used to teach my son that words can hurt and to be thoughtful when using them. Spoken words can never be taken back.
It's funny how the mind works. Sometimes we forget words that are spoken to us today, but over thirty years ago? We remember them perfectly.
The words I once heard that cut me to the core were spoken during my senior year of college.They may sound trivial now but at the time they were anything but. Eventually I realized how important they were because they forced me to take a hard look at myself. And by doing so it changed my perspective about myself, my outlook on life, and how I would eventually make peace with who I am.
None of this happened overnight.
It was a week before graduation and I knew I'd be leaving Boston for a long time because, as hard as I tried, I couldn't find a job in publishing.
Being in a city with over 200 colleges created stiff competition with other graduates.
I was (more than) lamenting the fact that I couldn't stay in Boston. I truly loved that city and its proximity to the rest of New England. I knew that once I got home I'd have to start applying to jobs by sending dozens and dozens of resumes out to publishing houses in and around Manhattan, another tough job market.
Instead of being happy the week before graduation I was miserable. What made it worse was that several of my close friends were staying in Boston. I was green with envy.
One day as I was declaring for the millionth time how miserable I was one of my roommates couldn't stand listening to my complaints and barked, "You always want what others have.You're never satisfied with what you have."
Ouch.
I was hurt and it stung. How could she turn on me like this? I didn't deserve such rudeness. Didn't she feel sorry for me? She must not be as good a friend as I thought she was.
It wasn't until my years of enlightenment (just kidding), a lot of introspection, and years of practice that I realized the truth:
Wherever you are is exactly where you belong.
I finally let go of the anger that I felt toward my roommate. I forgave her for being unkind. In the end, though, she really did me a favor.
Words can hurt and we must be thoughtful how we use them. We're all guilty of letting words slip out of our mouths in the heat of anger or frustration. And at one time or another we've been on the receiving end of harsh words. I hope that we all can find forgiveness for ourselves and for others.
Keep an open heart, because forgiving another person allows for an abundance of joy and happiness to enter into your life.
Have you ever been hurt by words that someone said to you?
I love this Cathy. A good daily reminder that we are where we belong, at this moment. That may change, but I believe this is a key to personal peace.
For me, I consider the source. Is it someone who cares about me and is giving me valuable feedback, or someone who simply aims to hurt me. Either way, I think I get perspective on the words.
Wow..this is such a good post. And something that I remind myself often. Appreciate what you have...don't compare yourself to others..
I absolutely agree. Words are so powerful and can leave indelible marks on our soul. There was a comment that my 7th grade math teacher during an after school tutoring session. After a few attempts to teach me a concept and my failure to grasp his teaching method, he said, "Why am I even wasting my time? You're too stupid to get this." I carried that message with me for years, believing I wasn't very bright, until I realized he was the one who wasn't bright enough to try a different way to teach someone who learns best outside the box.
Sometimes when we think we need to forgive someone else, we really need to forgive ourselves for letting those words or that action cut so deeply. I always try (and try being the operative word here) to look inward first and you know what? That is usually where the forgiveness, patience, and understanding should stay. Thank you for the thought provoking post Cathy!
As writers, we know the power of words. I try to always remember that what I say can't be taken back.
Oh, yes. And as you say, you can't take back spoken words. So take a deep breath before you say something you might regret. I'm talking to myself! I'm as guilty as the next person and have felt deeply regretful more than once. Thank you for articulating this so beautifully, Cathy.
Love that quote. Tattooing it to my forehead.
It is amazing the sting that words can inflict! You are the bigger person.
I love this post because it mirrors a conversation I had with a friend not 20mins ago while we were grocery shopping and wishing we could load our (already full) carts with better cuts of meat!
Yes, we sometimes need to remind ourselves of what we have vs what we WISH we had! I am guilty of this way too often.
FYI. We probably overlapped in Boston. Where did you go to college?
Ouch, for sure! Sounds very much like my "Comparison is the thief of joy" situation. 🙁
I had my feelings hurt horribly by my fourth-grade teacher who called me a pansy because I needed to stay indoors and not go out for recess after I'd just returned to school after having pneumonia. I was hurt for years by that... until I realized pansies are strong little suckers and I now make sure to grow some each and ever summer!
Oh I do get this Cathy. Sometimes there are truths in messages like that, but the way it is delivered prevents us from hearing what we need...good that you were able to have that enlightenment and it could eventually serve you.
Surely I have, but what immediately sprung to my mind reading this was how my words -- unintended (or maybe a little intended) have hurt others. We are so quick to critique others and I'm sure my words at times have stung. I hope with age I've mellowed a bit. A lot. I think I have anyway.
I'm happy to hear that you learned from that experience and moved forward. I don't worry about what others think and have always done my own thing. I care about what I think and my close family around me.
Yes, just last weekend someone said something particularly rude and hurtful. (Don't you just love non-readers of your blog to make an obnoxious comment!) I pouted and fumed for a day, then decided to do something positive. It was the push I needed to make me join the #NaBloPoMo challenge. It was kind of a "you can't break me" moment.