Tending To Friendships In The Age Of Social Media

Pink Princess phone
Photo: collarcitybrownstom

Vera and Mame: “We’ll always be bosom buddies,
Friends, sisters and pals.
We’ll always be bosom buddies,
If life should reject you,
There’s me to protect you.”

It’s either “Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve Week”, or menopause and MS are playing kickball with my emotions.

Lately I’ve been drawn to blog posts talking about what happens when someone “divorces” you, and the heartache that goes along with it.

If a friend divorces you, or you divorce them, the hurt and anguish feel the same.

Vera: “If I say that your tongue is vicious,
Mame: If I call you uncouth.
Vera and Mame: It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy,
Will sit down and tell you the truth.”

When do you stop feeling like a 12-year-old child at a dance who impatiently waits for someone to notice you? When a friend dismisses you, you feel like a child sitting on the sidelines.

One of the women I consider my mentors has always had friendships figured out. She’s a strong and vibrant woman who has the knack of understanding whether a person is genuine or not. I’ve watched her over the years and met her many circles of friends.

I asked her how she avoids getting hurt or disappointed by people. She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to say.

“I enjoy the part of each person that first attracted me to them. If someone enjoys movies, we watch movies together. If they’re interested in music or theatre, we go out to enjoy a show. I listen to my instincts as a guide for cultivating friendships. If something doesn’t feel right, I honor that feeling and act on it. Everyone gets hurt or disappointed. That’s a part of life. I just try to minimize it by following my heart.”

Sound advice.

Vera (speaking): “Tho’ now and again I’m aware that my candid opinion may sting.
Mame: Tho’ often my frank observation might scald,
I’ve been meanin’ to tell you for years,
You should keep your hair natural like mine.
Vera: If I kept my hair natural like yours, I’d be bald.”

I’ve always been a trusting soul, trying to believe there’s some good in everyone. That attitude has left me wide open for hurt and disappointment.

Those are hard lessons to learn.

Now that I’m in my Second Chapter, I work on paying closer attention to my instincts. Perhaps I’m a bit cynical and protective of myself, yet I still try to find some good in everyone.

I’m meeting intelligent, passionate and caring women. The sisterhood is still alive and well and living in the midlife bloggers. The younger bloggers I’ve met are wonderful, too. (Do they mind being called “mommy bloggers?)

In the age of social media, friendships are trickier to maintain. In the “old days’, our choices to stay in touch were picking up the phone to call a friend, or writing a letter to someone living far away.

Today Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and emails have replaced phone calls. Texting is the fastest way to quickly reach out and touch someone.

But wait! Have you checked all of the “likes”, private messages and texts you received today? Have you returned every comment or text?

It’s easy to feel slighted if a friend doesn’t “like” your post on Facebook, retweet your comment on Twitter, or return a text on your cell phone.

It’s easy to get lost in social media to try to keep up with all of your friends. It takes a good deal of time to read and respond to everyone.

I’ve come to the conclusion the best way to maintain a friendship is still the old fashioned way. Make plans to get together. Schedule a Google Hangout. Or do something rebellious like placing an old-fashioned phone call.

I’ve known my three closest friends since grade school. They ground me. Like Vera and Mame, we’ve cultivated our own tightly knit sisterhood. We raise each other up during good times and bad. We are always there for each other. They are my sisters. They are my friends.

As we get older, the importance of tending to our friendships grows more apparent with each passing year. According to The Mayo Clinic, friends can enrich your life and improve your health:

Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:

Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
Boost your happiness
Reduce stress
Improve your self-worth
Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise

Vera and Mame: “Just turn to your bosom buddy,
For aid and affection,
For help and direction,
For loyalty, lot and for sooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy,
Will sit down and level,
And give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!" ~Bosom Buddies, Mame

How do you tend to your friendships?

Facing Life's Challenges: Finding Your Inner Strength

Candle Meditation Tranquility Peace

"Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There's going to be stress in life, but it's your choice whether you let it affect you or not." ~Valerie Bertinelli

My cousin always tells me things happen how they are supposed to. I believe that's true. Things happen for a reason, and because they do, I’ve often contemplated what “the big picture is.” I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’ll never know what the Big Plan is from the Person Upstairs. So I sit back and let it all play out.

Sometimes life throws us a curve, and we must face them as best as possible. Without the curves, we’d never recognize the beauty. Yet the curves can be tough ones to handle. They can make us feel sad, anxious, or fearful. We can feel lost in their midst and reach around to find some solid footing again.

Our spirit is tested during times of adversity. Will we wither and spin out of control or rely on our inner strength to pull us through?

Here are some ways I've found to help me during difficult and stressful times:

Friends and Family: Reach out to others who love and support you. I am blessed to have people who genuinely care about me, and I turn to them in good times and bad. People who love you will always be willing to listen.
Meditation: Meditating is exceptionally beneficial in calming your mind. Here’s a simple explanation of how to meditate. Wikihow: How to Meditate
Prayer: I find a short prayer always lifts my spirit. Putting a few words together can be powerful no matter who you pray to.
Journaling: Writing your thoughts in a journal can help calm your mind. I love the blog “Tiny Buddha.” Here is her blog post about journaling. Tiny Buddha: Journaling Tips
Exercise: Exercise is beneficial when dealing with stress. As The Mayo Clinic says, “Exercise is meditation in motion.” Here is their article on the relationship between exercise and stress. The Mayo Clinic: Exercise and Stress
Outlets: I watch old sitcoms (of course, M*A*S*H or The Mary Tyler Moore Show!), movies (my husband and I have watched “His Girl Friday” a zillion times), knit or read when I am facing a difficult situation. They calm my mind and distract any stressful thoughts.
Pets: Spending time with our beloved furry friends is a true blessing. They give us unconditional love. I am thankful that our wise son insisted we adopt our first cat when he was nine. Thanks, JT.

How do you handle stress and the challenges in your life?

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DISCLAIMER: Comments from An Empowered Spirit are brought to your attention on topics that could benefit you and should be discussed with your doctor or other medical professional. I am not medically trained, and my posts are journalistic and not instead of medical advice. An Empowered Spirit and its author will not be held liable for any damages incurred from using this blog or any data or links provided.

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