When Life Keeps Handing You Lemons: Handling The Difficulties Of Life

Lately I've been thinking about this quote from the Bible:

"God only gives us what we can handle."

While it's often said that this quote appears in the Bible, that is a fallacy. Instead, the actual verse goes like this:

"No temptation has seized you that isn't common for people. But God is faithful. He won't allow you to be tempted beyond your abilities. Instead, with the temptation, God will also supply a way out so that you will be able to endure it. "~Corinthians 10:13

SPOILER: Don't worry. I'm not going to start preaching about religion, the existence of G-d or espouse my personal beliefs.

Life throws us curve balls

It's inevitable that life will throw us curves as we age. If we're lucky, we live a life filled with many blessings, and the darkness of illness, financial hardships or despair rarely comes our way.

But unfortunately that is not always the case. While it seems as if some people sail through life unscathed by darkness, others seem to have darkness dumped on them. When that happens, it feels as if a pitching machine is throwing curve balls at you while you stand still, too paralyzed to move.

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful." ~Buddha

Life has been throwing me many curve balls lately, and although I try to stay strong and positive, there are times when I just give up.

I give in to sadness, and begin to feel sorry for myself. I'm only human.

I see friends traveling around the country and wish I could join them. I see healthy, vibrant people not being weighed down by the worry of illness. I'm jealous of anyone living in a warm climate and not having to deal with this unnerving winter weather. (How many more days until spring???)

Feeling this way won't change anything, and it's a destructive and useless way to be. But what can I do to change it?

How I focus on the positive while living (and aging) with MS

As we age, it's important for us to learn how to focus on getting through the difficulties of life as best as we can. There are a myriad of ways to do this. Here are some I'm going to try. How about you?

Do what you love. Playing a sport, spending more time with your children, joining a gym, writing or knitting, or picking up a hobby you've put aside are some ideas. Refocusing your attention can revitalize and refresh your mind, body and spirit.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is invaluable. "Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel / act better even if the situation does not change." ~National Association of Cognitive Behavioral Therapists
Acknowledge your blessings : Acknowledging the blessings in your life - family, friends, accomplishments at work - is a powerful tool. Focus on them. Then let the people in your life know how much they mean to you. You'll be surprised at how good that will make you feel.
Take time for yourself - Take a bubble bath and light some candles for a relaxing getaway from the world. Get a hot stone massage. Take a walk in the park to surround yourself with the beauty in nature. Watch an old movie that makes you laugh. Do something that feels good and rejuvenates you. You deserve it.
Set daily goals for yourself - Use the ease of a program like Google Calendar to schedule daily personal tasks that make you happy. These personal goals will help you feel good, and are important for your well-being.
Don't allow any disasters to pull you down - Remind yourself of your successes, and remember the people who love you unconditionally and support you. Life is filled with ups and downs. What's important is how you handle them.

The miracle of everyday blessings

My fabulous cousin Gabrielle always knows the right thing to say. She empowers me with her wit and wisdom, especially when she says that when we're tested in life, it only means something awesome is waiting to happen.

I think Gabrielle's advice aligns itself with the quote from the Bible that's been on my mind. I finally understand that the strength we need to endure lies within ourselves. We must believe in the miracle of every day blessings, and the knowledge that we have the power to change how we think and feel.

How do you stay positive when life gets you down?

Whatever Happened To Good Etiquette And Manners? Here Are Some Tips On How To Cope With Rude Behavior

The waitress finally stopped at our table to take our order. She never glanced up from her pen and pad to greet us, nor did she crack a smile on her sour puss.

“Are you ready to order?” asked Miss No Smile.

“Yes, I’ll have the salad. But can you put the dressing on the side?” I asked.

“What?” she snapped, never looking up at me.

“Can I have the dressing on the side?” I calmly repeated.

“You want the dressing on the side?” she asked, as if this was a capital offense.

“Yes.” I replied firmly, trying to hold my temper.

“I’ll see what I can do.” she briskly replied.

Where is Miss Manners when I need her?

“Hi Edie. We haven’t spoken in a long time. I have a lot to tell you. Please send me some dates so we can schedule a time to meet. Miss you!”

I hit the SEND button.

A few days later, I checked my email. No reply.

The next week there was no reply. And the next few months there was no reply.

I took a deep breath, remembering not to take it personally, and I wrote another email.

“Hi Edie. I guess you’re pretty busy and haven’t had a chance to answer my last email. I hope we can catch up soon."

Once again I hit the SEND button.

Once again there were no replies.

Once again I felt a dagger in my heart.

I wonder what Emily Post would say about unanswered emails?

I try to be as courteous as I can. I answer every text, email, private message and phone call.

Since I’m a writer and work from home, I have more time than others because I don’t commute or need to figure out what I’m going to wear.

But what I do is work, and I work hard to earn every paycheck. My time means money.

Should I be answering every message? No. Will I stop doing it? No.

Because being courteous is important to me.

Have the lessons we’re taught in childhood, to be kind and courteous to others, disappeared because we’re too damn busy?

Where do we draw the line between what’s an acceptable behavior and what is rude and not nice?

Technology makes our lives easier. Yet it‘s also created a society of people who walk next to each other without talking. They are too busy texting and checking their messages.

Okay, I’m guilty of that. Just ask my husband and son. Sorry, guys.

Times have changed.

In a New York Times article entitled, “Incivility Can Have Costs Beyond Hurt Feelings”, Alex J. Parker, author of “How Rude!: The Teenager’s Guide to Good Manners” (Free Spirit Publishing, 1997), explains:

“I would be the first to say that there has been an absolute collapse of civility in the past generation or two. So much of communications is once removed that it adds a layer of distance and anonymity that can only worsen manners.

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a person is taught to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and once they're used to replacing those thoughts, the positive ones become their new norm.

I think a type of CBT would work well when dealing with rude and discourteous behavior. Replacing feelings of anger with compassion and understanding might do the trick.

Here are two quick tips to try and cope with rude or discourteous behavior:

Give the person the benefit of the doubt. You don’t know what they’re going through. Perhaps it’s an illness, or they had little sleep. Be compassionate, even if you find it hard to do.
If it’s a close friend or relative, let them know you understand they’re busy, but you’d like to talk to them about whatever is going on. Having an open discussion can prove very helpful.

If rude behavior continues after you followed the advice above, it’s time to move on. You may feel disappointed or hurt, but you can’t force another person to behave the way you think they should.

Using good manners in our daily lives, and teaching our children and grandchildren about their importance, is what will bring good etiquette back into fashion.

How do you deal with rude or discourteous behavior? What has worked for you?

What Did Paul McCartney Remind Me And What Does It Have To Do With Handling Stress?

“When I find myself in times of troubles,
Mother Mary comes to me,
Speaking words of wisdom,
Let it be.

English: John Lennon and Paul McCartney at Ken...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What’s a nice Jewish girl doing writing a post that begins by singing praises of Mother Mary?

Yesterday, I re-watched Sir Paul McCartney being honored at The Kennedy Center Honors. This is my favorite award show, when peers honor the best and the brightest artists. Musicians such as Nora Jones, Steven Tyler, James Taylor and Mavis Staples belted out McCartney-Lennon songs for Sir Paul. I broke out in goose bumps.

And when the broken hearted people living in a world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see.
There will be an answer. Let it be.

When James began strumming on his guitar and singing “Let It Be”, I realized what the next topic for my blog post would be.

When I was first diagnosed with MS, I was told to learn to handle stress for optimal health. Through the years, I’ve read about and tried many different ways of coping; some have worked and some have not.

After all of my searching, I realized the most important lesson I’ve learned.

Mandala Spiritual Art It doesn’t matter what anyone else believes in. (At least not to me.) It can be Mary or Jesus, Moses, Buddha or The Golden Rule. As long as you have something of your own, something tucked safely within your heart and soul that is your personal belief system. That is what matters. Because inevitably, someday, somehow, when your faith is tested, your beliefs will step up to the plate for you, ready to help you navigate your bumpy road. It will give you comfort, courage and hope for a better tomorrow.

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me.
Shine until tomorrow. Let it be.

My personal beliefs are a recipe of sorts. I start out with my Judaic beliefs, lines from great poetry and the teachings of Buddha. Add to that the many lessons learned from my father and my uncle, great readers of literature and poetry. Blend in large amounts of the wonders of nature. Top it off with meaningful stories shared by close family and friends.

These beliefs are the ones I turn to at the end of the day. They renew my spirit, and give me courage and strength.

I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me.
Speaking words of wisdom. Let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Let it be, yeah, let it be.

Through my advocacy work and my writing, I’ve spoken to hundreds of people Hiking Along Country Road struggling with the burdens of living with an autoimmune disease. I tell them how I’ve learned to deal with stress. I hope someday they will think of me, and discover what beliefs work best for their journey.

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be,
yeah, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be." ~John Lennon/Paul McCartney

Let me offer a few ways I’ve learned to try to lower my stress levels:

Go on news fasts. This was sound advice I read years ago by Dr. Andrew Weil. The world will keep on spinning whether you stay on top of the daily news or not. Any local news channel will first air violent stories in order to grab your attention. In the past, my hands and feet would start to tingle when listening to the news. No more. On most days I read top stories delivered to my inbox from The New York Times, Forbes or The Wall Street Journal. Of course, there’s no way to avoid the news completely. But, every once in awhile, do yourself a favor and take a break from it.
Give yourself a gift. Act silly with good friends. Go on a romantic date with your spouse or companion. Enjoy quality time with your children. Curl up with a good book. Play with your pets. Go for a walk in beautiful surroundings. Listen to uplifting music. Give yourself the gift of joy and laughter.
Take the negative out of your life. You know, the negative. Negative people, negative events and negative thoughts. Let your intuition guide you. It will tell you if something doesn’t feel quite right. Try replacing any negative thoughts with positive ones. (See Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).
Exercise. Regular exercise has been proven to decrease your levels of stress. I try to take walks every day. Some are shorter than others, and on bad days I use our treadmill. A short walk is better than none at all.

So, whether it’s Mother Mary or Moses or The Golden Rule that you believe in, each ARE standing right in front of you. Waiting to help. Waiting to keep you brave. Waiting to give you wisdom. Waiting to give you hope.

What beliefs help you handle stress?

DISCLAIMER: Comments from An Empowered Spirit are brought to your attention on topics that could benefit you and should be discussed with your doctor or other medical professional. I am not medically trained and my posts are of a journalistic nature and not in lieu of medical advice. An Empowered Spirit and its author will not be held liable for any damages incurred from the use of this blog or any data or links provided.

Life throws us curve balls

How I focus on the positive while living (and aging) with MS

The miracle of everyday blessings

Other posts you might enjoy:

Related articles