My Anniversary, A Few Truths And One Great Big Fat Lie

I'm always up for something fun, especially since I'm almost in the homestretch of NaBloPoMo. So I was more than happy when the lovely Elin Stebbins Waldal of Beyond the Backyard Blues invited me and a few of my blogging buddies to play a game that begins today.

anniversary

But I wasn't sure if I wanted to participate because, you see, today is my 26th wedding anniversary. The day I walked down the aisle and exchanged vows under the chuppah with my best friend.

Our journey together has been like most marriages, filled with ups and downs that, in the end, has drawn us closer together. I cherish my husband and our life together, and the way he makes me feel beautiful and valued each and every day.

The icing on our cake was the birth of our incredible son who is the joy of our lives. Together the three of us are a team, and I am mindful every day how blessed we truly are.

Now back to the game. I am going to write 5 truths and 1 lie about myself and you must decide which one is the lie. Can you spot it? Leave your comments below, and tomorrow I will reveal the answer.

  1. A married man once asked me to be his mistress, and if I said yes he said he would rent  an apartment to be our cozy little love nest.
  2. I asked former New York City Mayor Ed Koch to lower the city's taxes.
  3. I had a chef bake a specialty cake for me, then told my date that I baked it.
  4. Billy Crystal asked me if I grew up in a family where we had two sets of dishes, one for dairy and one for meat.
  5. I love flying in small airplanes. Our honeymoon was in Little Dix Bay on the island of Virgin Gorda. We flew to Puerto Rico, then took a tiny plane to the island. It was exhilarating.
  6. I worked on an assembly line in a factory where my job was to place a tiny widget on top of every appliance that rolled by on a conveyor belt.

New Happiness Study By LANCET: Are You Middle Age Or A Senior?

As I was driving to meet a friend for lunch I turned the radio on to NPR's program "Here and Now" as they were beginning to discuss a new study published by LANCET. Michelle Roberts, the BBC News online Health Editor, was explaining a new happiness study that was linked to age, and that life follows a predictable course depending on where people live.

happiness middle age

I quickly thought what perfect timing this was since the broadcast sounded fascinating and could be the subject of my next NaBloPoMo post.

That was until I heard:

"In Western world nations, life satisfaction bottomed out between the ages of 45 and 54 before rising again."

According to this study midlife was between the ages of 45 -54Whoa! Really? For the next few minutes I didn't hear anything except the sound of my own thoughts racing inside my head.

A few of them were:

The study went on to say that, "This is the period at which wage rates typically peak and is the best time to work and earn the most."

Oh, boy.

So if they are correct about the age range of midlife, then my husband and I already hit our peak of wage rates (yikes!) AND we are now senior citizens (double yikes!)

When I got home I checked a few sources on the Internet to see whether or not I was a senior citizen. I found that the U.S. Census says middle age is anywhere between ages 35 - 54.

Oh, no. It's getting worse.

However, the updated version of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the standard diagnostic manual of The American Psychiatric Association) defines it as 45 - 65.

Phew.

Suddenly I began feeling ashamed of myself. Why? Because my reaction to the definition of midlife did not coincide with what I write, what I believe in or what I preach to others.

In the end, it really doesn't matter what the study, the census, the manual, or the gods-that- be say.

I am 55 years old, and there aren't any statistics that can change the essence of who I am. I am the same person I was before and after I listened to the program. So when I tell someone "You're as young as you feel" I sincerely mean it.

Whether I'm in my middle years or a senior citizen doesn't matter. What matters is what's in my heart, and how I feel about who I am.

That is my own personal happiness study.

Fabulous Friday Fun Because We Deserve It (Video)

Ah, Friday. The end of the week. The end of a long NaBloPoMo week of writing a post a day. Of writing and editing. Publishing and sharing. Commenting and tweeting. Liking and emailing.

Friday

I feel like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day." Every morning I wake up, grab some coffee and begin writing another new post. Today is a new day.

NaBloPoMo forces me to write more than usual. Not only for the websites I am paid to write for, but also for my blog. Writing a little bit every day is an important exercise toward becoming a better writer. At least that's the theory. It's been challenging, overwhelming, exciting and productive..

So today I'm giving myself a treat because, well, I deserve one! And I think you do too.

Friday

Part of my personal wellness program.

Over the years I found my own wellness program, a way of putting the world on hold by jumping into a fictional Nirvana. So if I'm feeling tired or stressed I do one of two things (aside from eating some chocolate).I read a good book, or I watch something that takes me away. Either a classic film or an old television program.

It feels good when I don't have to think or do anything.

There have been times over the years when my MS caused me to spend many days at home. Books, classic films and TV shows were my refuge. They helped me through some difficult times, becoming good, dependable friends who helped me escape my circumstances for a few hours. I am thankful for that; they are on my gratitude list.

So here's a little Friday fun because we all deserve it.

First is a vintage TV commercial as part of The Donna Reed Show (which I liked) promoting another program I loved, "That Girl" starring Marlo Thomas and Ted Bessell.

Diamonds, daisies, Broadway, That Girl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4jl_PSS-Ic

Whenever I want a good laugh I turn to Don Rickles. I miss the best talk show host ever, Johnny Carson. If I want to watch my favorite singer, there's no one like Frank Sinatra. Here's an episode of The Tonight Show when Don surprises Frank and Johnny. Classic TV.

I know this movie by heart. It simply makes me happy. It's "The Philadelphia Story" starring Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn and James Stewart about a divorced socialite who is about to remarry when her ex-husband shows up.

In this scene drunk newspaperman James Stewart visits with ex-husband, Cary Grant. Watch Grant's face when Stewart improvises with hiccups. Cary Grant later said he almost broke out laughing.The Academy must have liked it because Stewart won the Oscar for his performance.

"The Philadelphia Story" was later remade into the musical "High Society" starring Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly and Frank Sinatra. I loved the music (of course) but the movie was no comparison to it's predecessor.

What unique wellness plan do you have?

The Zen of Alan Alda

It would be easy to write about Alan Alda by only recounting stories that everyone already knows, such as his tremendous successes in television, movies and theatre. I could also discuss his well-known talents as a gifted writer of books and screenplays, or his lifelong passion of science that led him to not only host PBS’s “Scientific American Frontiers” for 14 years but to challenge young minds and inspire the creation of The Center for Communicating Science at Stony Brook University.

MS Advocate Cathy Chester with Alan Alda

But Alan Alda is much more than that, and writing about only those achievements, as incredible as they are, would be a disservice to him. He has always been like a cauldron packed tight with ingredients of passion, ideas and deep thought that would burst wide open if he couldn’t keep moving forward.

As I listened to him speaking recently at The New Jersey Speaker Series it occurred to me how Zen-like Mr. Alda is. He sees his life experiences with great clarity and, after examining them like a true scientist, he challenges and questions himself, then draws his own conclusions.

Alan Alda

I can best illustrate the Zen of Alan Alda by using three stories from his words and life experiences.

Near-death experience changed his life: Story One

There was one night that forever changed his life, and he uses that near tragedy to contemplate how he became the man he is today.

“I’d like to tell you about a night that changed my life. I was up on top of a mountain in Chile, in an observatory because I was with astronomers doing a science show, and I got this tickle in my gut, and within a few minutes it was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. They had a medic up there. I don’t think he’d done anything medical before. I’m all doubled up and he comes over and says, 'How are you?'

"They had an ambulance, a big old boxy thing. It looked like the ambulances we had on M*A*S*H. They slide me into the ambulance and I’m groaning and screaming and they take me for an hour and a half down this rocky mountain down to this little town to a hospital with a dimly lit ER.

"But there was this brilliant doctor there that night who was an expert in what was wrong with me. It turned out I had a bit of my intestine that lost its blood supply and if it burst a couple hours later I’d be dead. But he knew exactly what the problem was and he figured it out in a few minutes. He leaned into me to tell me they have to cut out part of the bad intestine and sew two good ends together.

"And I said, 'Oh, you’re going to do an end-to-end anastomosis?' He said, 'How do you know that?” and I said, 'Oh I did many of those on M*A*S*H.'

"And I lived.

"And when it was over I felt I’d been given a whole new life. The world was so fresh, the colors were so free, just the feeling of being alive. I wasn’t supposed to eat anything solid, and the first piece of cheese I had was the most delicious meal I’d had in my life. I was like a newborn baby tasting everything fresh.

"So I thought I don’t want this to end. I’ve met people who had near death experiences and they kept that feeling for a while but then it went away. I didn’t want it to go away. How can I make this last?

"Maybe if I think about how I got to be how I am, and who I am, and the lessons I’ve learned, maybe there’s something in that. So I started making notes about my earliest childhood memories.”

Alan Alda speaking on the life-changing power of tragedy

Alan Alda speaking on the life-changing power of tragedy

Life moves on after tragedy: Story Two

When Mr. Alda was seven years old he contracted polio, a horrible deadly disease and an epidemic among children at that time. He remembers his father administering painful treatments that included placing hot woolen blankets on his limbs and painful massages on his muscles.

While recovering, Robert Alda brought home a beautiful black cocker spaniel to cheer up his son. The dog was so sweet and loving that they immediately fell in love with each other. When the puppy tragically died his father, in a loving but perhaps misguided effort, had the dog stuffed for posterity so he’d “always have him.” But the dog had a “hideous expression with glass eyes that followed you wherever you walked” and after placing it next to the fireplace, “when guests entered the room they’d stop dead.”

I realized years later that this was a tremendous lesson for me. You can’t have your dog stuffed. I know that sounds trivial but it’s true. You love the dog, he goes away, and you move on. The stuffed dog is a counterfeit; a hollow imitation.”

Moving On: Story Three

Someone from the audience asked what he thought Hawkeye Pierce would be doing today. Alda answered that he never thought about it. As much as he loved the character and was proud of the part he played in creating eleven seasons of M*A*S*H, when it was over, it was over. And he moved on.

Beyond the Zen of Alan Alda is the love everyone feels for him. I have never met anyone with an unkind word about him.

Meeting a personal hero

As a devoted fan I’ve written about him before. About my schoolgirl crush that turned into deep respect for a man completely devoted to his family and friends, one who always seemed genuine and self-effacing whenever I'd hear him speak.

I was more than thrilled when my husband and I were invited to attend a post-event cocktail party to meet Alan Alda in person. I was admittedly a bit nervous. I’ve met celebrities before, but for me this was different.

I didn’t want to sound like a gushing teenager or a typical fan. I wanted him to know how important the work he is doing at Stony Book University is to the disability community and me. So I practiced my elevator speech. Several times. Okay, more than several.

When it came time for us to meet him one-on-one, my instincts were right. It was as if my husband and I were alone in the room with a dear friend. He listened intently as I thanked him not only for his funny and fascinating talk, but also for the contributions he’s making by teaching future scientists how to communicate more effectively with the public, and what that will mean to the future of medicine.

Although our conversation lasted only a few minutes it will leave an indelible impression on my heart.

Alan Alda speaking at Fairleigh Dickinson University

Alan Alda speaking at Fairleigh Dickinson University

END NOTE: I also introduced myself to Arlene Alda, who is an accomplished musician, photographer and writer. Her latest book "Just Kids from the Bronx" is an oral history about what it was like growing up in the Bronx, a place that "bred the influencers in just about every field of endeavor today." It will be coming out March 2015. I wanted to tell Mrs. Alda how excited my Bronx born mother is about reading her upcoming book. Mrs. Alda was lovely, and it was a pleasure to briefly speak with her.

The New Jersey Speaker Series is an inaugural series of talks produced by Fairleigh Dickinson University. The impressive list of speakers are Madeleine Albright, Alan Alda, Steve Wozniak, Olympia Snowe, David Gergen, David McCullough and Dan Rather, each influential voices in our world today.

Photo Credits: Courtesy of Fairleigh Dickinson University/New Jersey Speaker Series

New Jersey Speaker Series: How Madeleine Albright Made Me Laugh

Over the next few months I will be attending and writing about The New Jersey Speaker Series, an inaugural series of talks produced by Fairleigh Dickinson University. The impressive list of speakers are Madeleine Albright, Alan Alda, Steve Wozniak, Olympia Snowe, David Gergen, David McCullough and Dan Rather, each influential voices in today's world.

New Jersey Speaker Series Madeleine Albright

Photo Credit: Playbill, New Jersey Speaker Series (Fairleigh Dickinson University)

Here's Part One: An evening with Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. 

From time to time we have pre-conceived notions about people. As much as we try not to, we do. Last week while I was on my way to hear Madeleine Albright speak, I feared that her presentation might be dull and boring. After all, talking about sanctions against Iraq or the American policy in Bosnia is certainly interesting and educational, but it can also be very dry.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Madeleine Albright

Photo Credit: New Jersey Speaker Series, Fairleigh Dickinson University; Portrait by Timothy Greenfiield-Sanders

Like any good comedian speaker, she warmed up the audience with a great story:

To the announcer, “Thank you for telling everybody who I am. Not everybody always knows. (Laughter) Not long ago I was coming back from China, and Chicago was the first port of entry, and as I was getting undressed for the security people (laughter) one of the guards noticed me and said, ‘Oh, my gosh it’s you.’ (Laughter)

Then he went on to say, ‘I’m from Bosnia, and if it weren’t for you in Bosnia there wouldn’t be a Bosnia and you are always welcome back to Bosnia.' Then we had our picture taken and it screwed up the whole line. (Laughter)

Then I go back to get my stuff and the lady who was in back of me said, ‘So what exactly happened here?’ and I told her I used to be Secretary of State and she said, ‘Of Bosnia?'”

(Big laughter)

Madeleine Albright's biography tells an incredible tale: The first female Secretary of State. Fled with her family from Prague during the Nazi invasion and again years later from the Communists. Received various degrees from Wellesley College, Johns Hopkins and Columbia University. Worked on Edmund Muskie’s campaign that led to an appointment as The National Security Council’s liaison during the Carter White House. Worked as a Democratic Party foreign policy advisor and briefed Vice Presidential and Presidential candidates Geraldine Ferraro and Michael Dukakis. Appointed as Ambassador to the United Nations. Awarded The Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Obama.

It’s clear from this condensed biography that an entire post (or more) could easily be devoted to writing about Dr. Albright’s stellar career, her policies and positions on national and global affairs, or about the fascinating life she’s lead. But I’ll leave that to her by directing you to two of the many books she’s written: “Madam Secretary: A Memoir” and “Prague Winter: A Personal Story of Remembrance and War (1937 – 1948).”

Instead I’ll focus on Madeleine Albright the woman, because as I thought about her presentation and candid answers to the audiences’ questions, I realized what a powerful advocate she is for woman’s rights. She's an outstanding example for women on the importance of speaking their minds and believing in themselves.

Story One: Albright told the story of the first time she entered The White House as Secretary of State. While walking into that glorious house it occurred to her that the portraits hanging on the walls collectively had one major difference between them: whether the subjects wore a beard or not. She hoped that one day that would change to the difference being whether the subjects wore heels or not.

Story Two: Soon after she was married Albright had twin daughters and, as she said, “I tried to figure out how to be a good mother, because as every mother here knows, every woman’s middle name is Guilt. When you’re home you wish you were working, and if you’re working you wish you were home. In my case I was lucky to have jobs with a great deal of responsibility when my children were older. They were taking care of me.

Once, as my daughter was taking care of my bills she called me and said, 'Mom, did you really need those pair of shoes?'

I’m often asked about the balance issue, and I don’t think there is any (one) answer. Everyone has to develop their own answer, realize that it’s very difficult, and people are judgmental on what we’ve chosen. The hardest were the judgments that other women made on me. We have to be nicer to each other and be more respectful of our choices.

For me, everything about women and in life is about CHOICE.”

Story Three: Dr. Albright owns a large collection of costume jewelry including many pins. Her pins are an extension of how she's feeling on a given day. On a good day she'll wear a butterfly; on a bad one a bug.

On a trip with President Clinton to visit Russian President Vladimir Putin, a leader she openly dislikes, Albright decided to wear her monkey pin. President Putin noticed it, and knowing that her pins represented an unspoken Albright thought, he asked President Clinton why she was wearing a monkey. Never one to hold back, Albright quickly blurted out, “Because I think your policy in Chechnya is evil.” Putin was furious, President Clinton looked at her “like I was out of my mind and I was in trouble.”

Story Four: When her time at The White House was over, she thought it would be a difficult transition for her to leave. (Sound like Empty Nest Syndrome?) But she quickly learned that leaving was a chance for a fresh start to try something new. She began to teach, write, “and listen, and I refuse to ever be silent because we all need to speak out and have the moral courage to face the issues of the day.”

By the end of the evening the audience and I got to know "the real" Madeleine Albright. She is funny, outspoken, intelligent, savvy, sometimes controversial, always honest, and ever mindful of the lessons her parents taught her.

"Never take liberty, freedom or the greatness of America for granted." I am sure they’d be proud of the accomplishments of their exceptional daughter.

Our Collection of Broadway Playbills Tells The Story Of Our LIves

Yesterday I posted Playbills from the 1966 and 2006 Broadway productions of "The Apple Tree." My Wordless Wednesday post featured a very young and handsome Alan Alda in the 1966 version.

Broadway Playbills Magic

I originally wanted to post a trilogy of Alan Alda plays (Art, QED and The Apple Tree) but couldn't find the Playbill from Art.  Yes, I am crazy about that Hawkeye, science-loving, happily married guy.

Broadway Playbills Magic

My husband is a collector of sorts.  He has cartons of 1960's Topps baseball cards, piles of championship New York Knicks NBA programs and every T-shirt, sweatshirt, pajama bottom and baseball cap from The University of Wisconsin.

Playbills Broadway Magic

He also held onto most of the Playbills from Broadway shows that we've seen together since we met in 1985.  As I look through each cover, it reminds me of our life together, and the events that were happening in our lives at the time we enjoyed each show.

Playbills Broadway Magic

It's no surprise how many Neil Simon plays we saw.  To us, he is a playwright extraordinaire: Brighton Beach Memoirs, Biloxi Blues, Laughter on the 23rd Floor, The Odd Couple (the female version - ugh), Barefoot in the Park (1996), Promises, Promises (2010) Rumors and Lost in Yonkers.

Playbills Broadway Magic

I love musicals.  When I was 8 years old my mother brought me to my first play, Fiddler on the Roof.  We sat in the third row orchestra, and I felt as if I lived in Anatevka.

Playbills Broadway Magic

I was hooked for life.

My husband always insisted he enjoyed only plays and didn't care for musicals.  I couldn't understand how anyone could feel that way, especially because he is so crazy about jazz.

I made the mistake of taking him to see Will Rogers' Follies starring Keith Carradine when our friends were in town from Wisconsin.

Big mistake.  It was awful, and he kept reminding me of it.

Playbills Broadway Magic

But I remained undaunted, and dragged brought him to more musicals despite that debacle.  Les Miserables. Jersey BoysFiddler on the Roof.  Guys and Dolls. South Pacific. He enjoyed them all.

Need I say more?

Playbills Broadway Magic

The play that was the one of the most meaningful to me was The Producers. Growing up, my brothers threw barbs around that I later found out were quotes from the movie The Producers starring Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder.

When The Producers came to Broadway, my brothers and I decided to get tickers for the three of us and our spouses. We were excited to see Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick in the Mel Brooks zany comedy.

Playbills Broadway Magic

The show was a smash hit, and getting good seats wasn't easy.  The best we could get were three seats in one row and three behind them.  My brothers sat in front of me, and I clearly remember that while I was laughing, I watched their heads and shoulders moving in every direction as they roared with uncontrollable laughter.

Broadway Playbills Magic

Broadway holds special magic, the kind that everyone should experience at least once in a lifetime. So if you decide to go, do me a favor. Get me an extra ticket, because I'm about due to see another show.

What was the best play you ever saw?

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