The Most Important Lessons I Learned From My Son

Two years ago tomorrow I published my most popular blog post to date. I wrote it to honor the occasion of my son's 21st birthday, a time for both reflection and celebration for my husband and me. Since his birthday falls on the same day as another New Jersey native occupying my heart, one who would have turned 100 tomorrow, I thought I'd re-publish it a day early. 

son teaching inspiration

Life Lessons on the Occasion of my Son's 21st Birthday: Our Journeys Are Unique to Each of Us

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to grow up and have a family of her own. She dreamed of meeting a knight in shining armor that would sweep her off her feet and take her away to live happily ever after.

S-c-r-a-t-c-h.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved to read. She loved reading about strong-minded, resolute women making headlines, like Gloria Steinem and Bella Abzug. She thought it’d be cool to someday burn her training bra. But she was too young and naïve at the time, so she continued to dream about her knight in shining armor and having a family. Would the knight be willing to do housework?

C-r-o-s-s-o-u-t.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to live a long and happy life. She dreamed of someday marrying her Prince Charming and, together, they’d have a happy and healthy child. She loved to write, and always enjoyed helping others in need. She knew she wanted to find a perfect balance between her family life and a life filled with passion.

Bingo.

But, alas, not all little girls’ dreams come true. Life simply doesn’t work that way. As John Lennon famously wrote, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

These were my life lessons:

But life has a mind of its own, and sometimes we learn harsh yet valuable lessons. John Lennon was right. What we envision for ourselves and what life hands us are two different things.

When I finally became blissfully pregnant for a third time, it was the charm. Two weeks shy of nine months, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy little boy.

son teaching inspiration

My son has been a blessing to me every day of his life.

The life I envisioned so long ago was finally unfolding.

Today is my son’s 21st birthday and he is the reason I’m writing this post. I want him to understand that no matter what I learned in my childhood – the joys, frustrations, loves and heartaches - mine is a different road than the one he is traveling.

He has his own journey.

I want him to know he has taught me more than anyone or anything ever will.

He’s taught me, through his genteel manner and a heart filled with compassion, about patience, understanding and inner strength.

And he’s given me more unconditional love than I ever imagined.

son teaching inspiration

Twenty-one years ago my father’s gift to my son was a case of fine port with instructions for the first bottle to be opened on his 21st birthday. In the next week I look forward to being with my parents to open the first beautiful bottle together and toast to my son's happiness on his big day.

May he always be surrounded with unconditional love. May he find his own brand of happiness, with a life filled with purpose and compassion, according to his own desires and principles, and on his own terms.

As my beloved Uncle Henry always said to me, "I hug you with my words."

Happy 21st birthday, my dear, sweet son. I love you forever.

son teaching inspiration

The Difficult Lessons Of Silence

Wayne Dyer's karma quote is my daily mantra. It means that everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs whether we agree with them or not. Instead of driving yourself crazy with worry or heartache, or trying your best to change someone's mind, it's better to work on changing your own perspective.

lessons

I recently had a conversation with a dear friend who is like a sister to me, and when we discussed relationships she said something very meaningful:

"Sisters accept each other for who they are, with all the cracks and dings and imperfections that we sometimes fear will alienate us from those we care about. Our history joins us and and unites us in love and remembrance."

I loved that.

lessons

We can't be all things to all people. We are not everyone's cup of tea. And that's okay. It's taken me a long time to realize that. I used to go out of my way to try and please everyone. I wanted them to like me. I wanted acceptance and I guess, to some extent, even approval.

"You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."~Marcus Aurelius - 121-180 AD, Roman Emperor and Philosopher

We try to be loyal, passionate and thoughtful people, Sometimes that's not enough. Someone may not take the time to get to know us. They don't walk in our shoes. They don't ask how we are. Or sometimes their life is busy or they're facing a life challenge and they need to focus on themselves.

One of the benefits of aging, with its many life lessons, is we learn that the most important person in our life is ourself.

Despite how others treat you it's important to remain true to yourself. How other people feel about us, as Wayne Dyer says, is their karma.

How we react to how they treat us is our karma.

I once knew a woman who was grossly mistreated by a few people in our town. As she resigned from her public office post at a town meeting several of the townspeople were unkind. Instead of retaliating she stood up and read this quote.

lessons

It hurts to have anyone be silent toward us. Eventually the hurt dissipates as we remind ourselves that their silence has nothing to do with us and has everything to do with their own story.

This can be a painful lesson to learn, but for the sake of our emotional health it's important that we eventually move on.

My dad always taught me, as Spike Lee's dad must have taught him, to always "Do the right thing." It's what I try to live by, and it's an important lesson for all of us to remember as we face the challenges of life.

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