How My Mother Taught Me Courage Despite Adversity

I recently read a discussion on Facebook asking if we had stay-at-home or working moms when we grew up. It dawned on me that mine was both.

My mother went back to night school when I was 5 to finish her college education, and was home during the day to raise my brothers and me.

She finally earned her degree when I was 10 and immediately found a job as a second grade teacher.  

So I was the product of a stay-at-home and a working mom. Now that I'm a mother I realize how hard and tiring it must have been for my mom, yet she always managed to be available to help me with my homework and drive me to school activities.

If you asked me what was the "best" thing she did for me I couldn't point to one specific thing because there were so many ways she illustrated how to have courage despite adversity.  

courage adversity gratitude

 

She'd be the last person to acknowledge this, so I decided to write her a letter to show how I learned the meaning of courage from the life she's lived.   

Dear Mom,

Mother’s Day is coming and I haven’t a clue what to get for you. You always say you don’t need anything. Despite what you say, I wish I won the lottery so I could bring you back to Paris or spend a week together at a spa.

For now you’ll have to settle on what I can offer you: my words. To others this may sound trivial, but I know that’s not how you’ll feel. You’ve always been my biggest fan since the day I was born, and today will be no exception.

You’ve spent all of your life somewhat in the shadows of others. You grew up at a time when being a feminist was not fashionable and men held all the power, both at home and in the office.

Despite that, Mom, you stepped out on your own. Only you never realized that’s what you were doing, and never gave yourself credit for it.

Well, Mom, I’m here to point it out to you and to anyone reading this post. So brace yourself.

You excelled in school, making valedictorian while working from a young age to help with your family’s finances. As a young newlywed and mother you held your family together after a family tragedy, taking care of my grandparents and my brother under the same roof while dad went off to war.

This was no easy task but you did what you had to do.

You quit college to earn a living for you and dad, a selfless act. After dad became a successful attorney it was your turn to do something for yourself.

You decided to go back to school to finish your college degree even though you had three young children at home.

courage adversity gratitude

You were a product of your generation: a stay-at-home mom whose main function was to cook, clean and take care of the kids. That wasn’t enough for you.

You were revolutionary by going back to work while your children were young. In those days few mothers were working full-time.

I was so proud of you.

Although you were busy as a teacher you always had time to help me with my math homework or listen to my silly schoolgirl stories. You were always available to me, and I thank you for that.

When I was first diagnosed with MS you kicked into gear and took great care of me. After I was married and wanted to become pregnant, you drove hours with me to hear a lecture by a doctor who specialized in MS and pregnancy.

And when I miscarried for the second time, you were alone with me in TanglewoodYou consoled my aching heart.

When Jordan was born it was no surprise that you and Dad spent hours at the hospital needing to be nearby to make sure the baby and I were healthy. Gary and I were happy to have you join us in the delivery room after our healthy son was born.

So, Mom, you’re quite a special lady. I wanted to remind you of that, and of how much you’ve mattered to me. Most importantly, I want to publicly say, “I love you.”

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

courage adversity gratitude

This post originally appeared on An Empowered Spirit for Mother's Day 2013.

Enhanced by Zemanta

I Need Your Votes To Help Me Continue My Mission Of Ability Despite Disability

I've been overwhelmed by the tremendous support I've received since announcing AN EMPOWERED SPIRIT's nomination for BEST HEALTH BLOG by Healthline. I've heard from so many caring people who truly believe in my mission. Thank you!

disability

 

But I need your VOTES for AN EMPOWERED SPIRIT to win. Winning allows me to reach more audiences as I write about disability, focusing on our abilities despite living with chronic illness.

disability

You can vote two ways: Type AN EMPOWERED SPIRIT in the search box. Or CLICK on VOTE (which will continue to appear as #3 as long as I stay #3!)

 

Winning is what health websites notice when I submit my work for publication, when I apply for a speaking engagement, or when I write to someone in need. 

Now through January 15 you can vote every 24 hours, either using your Facebook or Twitter account, or both!  (CLICK HERE TO VOTE)

Competition is stiff!! A doctor is in 1st place. Can you imagine how many votes he's getting from patients AND staff? Oy.

Simply CLICK on any of the icons you see on this post, or CLICK on the Healthline badge located on the top right-hand side of this blog.

I appreciate your friendship, your dedication to my mission and your ongoing support of my work.

Please help me spread the word by sharing this post or tweeting it on Twitter!

[Tweet "Vote for An Empowered Spirit in Best Blog Contest for @Healthline @cathyches #multiplesclerosis"]

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me. Thank you.

OTHER POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

Tending To Friendships In The Age Of Social Media

Pink Princess phone

Pink Princess phone
Photo: collarcitybrownstom

Vera and Mame: “We’ll always be bosom buddies,
Friends, sisters and pals.
We’ll always be bosom buddies,
If life should reject you,
There’s me to protect you.”

It’s either “Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve Week”, or menopause and MS are playing kickball with my emotions.

Lately I’ve been drawn to blog posts talking about what happens when someone “divorces” you, and the heartache that goes along with it.

If a friend divorces you, or you divorce them, the hurt and anguish feel the same.

Vera: “If I say that your tongue is vicious,
Mame: If I call you uncouth.
Vera and Mame: It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy,
Will sit down and tell you the truth.”  

When do you stop feeling like a 12-year-old child at a dance who impatiently waits for someone to notice you?  When a friend dismisses you, you feel like a child sitting on the sidelines.

One of the women I consider my mentors has always had friendships figured out.  She’s a strong and vibrant woman who has the knack of understanding whether a person is genuine or not. I’ve watched her over the years and met her many circles of friends.

I asked her how she avoids getting hurt or disappointed by people.  She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to say.

“I enjoy the part of each person that first attracted me to them.  If someone enjoys movies, we watch movies together.  If they’re interested in music or theatre, we go out to enjoy a show.  I listen to my instincts as a guide for cultivating friendships.  If something doesn’t feel right, I honor that feeling and act on it.  Everyone gets hurt or disappointed. That’s a part of life. I just try to minimize it by following my heart.” 

Sound advice.

Vera (speaking): “Tho’ now and again I’m aware that my candid opinion may sting.
Mame: Tho’ often my frank observation might scald,
I’ve been meanin’ to tell you for years,
You should keep your hair natural like mine.
Vera: If I kept my hair natural like yours, I’d be bald.”

I’ve always been a trusting soul, trying to believe there’s some good in everyone.  That attitude has left me wide open for hurt and disappointment.

Those are hard lessons to learn.

Now that I’m in my Second Chapter, I work on paying closer attention to my instincts. Perhaps I’m a bit cynical and protective of myself, yet I still try to find some good in everyone.

I’m meeting intelligent, passionate and caring women.  The sisterhood is still alive and well and living in the midlife bloggers.  The younger bloggers I’ve met are wonderful, too. (Do they mind being called “mommy bloggers?)

In the age of social media, friendships are trickier to maintain.  In the “old days’, our choices to stay in touch were picking up the phone to call a friend, or writing a letter to someone living far away.

Today Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and emails have replaced phone calls.  Texting is the fastest way to quickly reach out and touch someone.

But wait!  Have you checked all of the “likes”, private messages and texts you received today?  Have you returned every comment or text?

It’s easy to feel slighted if a friend doesn’t “like” your post on Facebook, retweet your comment on Twitter, or return a text on your cell phone.

It’s easy to get lost in social media to try to keep up with all of your friends.  It takes a good deal of time to read and respond to everyone.

I’ve come to the conclusion the best way to maintain a friendship is still the old fashioned way.  Make plans to get together. Schedule a Google Hangout. Or do something rebellious like placing an old-fashioned phone call.

iPhoto 2013_08_08_06_48_36.pdf001

I’ve known my three closest friends since grade school. They ground me.  Like Vera and Mame, we’ve cultivated our own tightly knit sisterhood.  We raise each other up during good times and bad.  We are always there for each other. They are my sisters.  They are my friends.

IMG_1775 IMG_2260

As we get older, the importance of tending to our friendships grows more apparent with each passing year.  According to The Mayo Clinic, friends can enrich your life and improve your health:

Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:

Vera and Mame: “Just turn to your bosom buddy,
For aid and affection,

For help and direction,
For loyalty, lot and for sooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy, 
Will sit down and level, 
And give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!" ~Bosom Buddies, Mame

How do you tend to your friendships?

Enhanced by Zemanta

Attending BlogHer With A Disability

 london-94704_1280

Author's note: I’ve read many blog posts, posts on Facebook and tweets about BlogHer.  But no one wrote about attending BlogHer with a disability.  As a newbie to this event, I’m sure there will be many attendees with disabilities.  This post is for you as much as it is for me.  For those of you who are blessed not to have a disability, I know you are compassionate and caring enough to want to read this post as well.

When I first heard people discussing something called BlogHer, I wondered what the heck it was.  As I began reading more and more posts about it – the good, the bad and the ugly – I realized the enormity of this prodigious blogging event.

Yet something instinctual, something deep in the pit of my stomach, held me back from registering.

I told friends I wasn’t going because we already had two planned vacations for the summer, and didn’t want to spend extra time away from writing to attend this event.

But I wasn’t being honest, with my friends or myself.

It wasn’t the time away from home that held me back.  It was something bigger than that.

bubble-19329_1920

Hi, my name is Cathy Chester and I have a disability.   

Having Multiple Sclerosis since the age of 26 prevented me from doing certain things with my life.  But when life took a turn, I changed course and made different plans.

Who among us lives our life the way we envisioned when we were younger?  My MS is someone else’s fibromyalgia or breast cancer or OCD.

Back to BlogHer.  My worst enemies are stress, heat and fatigue.  My best friends are naps, air-conditioning and calm.  If I don’t meet up with my best friends, the little gremlins come out to make my legs and arms weak and numb, rendering me useless and frustrated.

BlogHer takes place at two hotels, the Sheraton and McCormick.  Since they are a few miles apart, you’ll need a shuttle or taxi to travel to each hotel.  This alone caused me some stress, since I understood the day sessions were taking place at the Sheraton. That would’ve made it easier to slip away to catch a nap upstairs in my room.

Napping now must be a planned event.  More running around means more fatigue.

The enormity of BlogHer is overwhelming for everyone.  Add a disability into that equation, and your emotions easily turn into panic mode.

There are agendas, speakers, parties and networking to learn and make decisions about.  Pre-planning your schedule may tame some of your anxiety and stress.

The question on what to wear always looms large for me.  Business casual can either mean black jeans or a cute dress.  The idea of wearing heels to walk from session to session makes me cringe.

Unfortunately, I had to kick my high heel habit after looking drunk too many times from falling on my keister.  When you can’t feel your feet, you can’t handle heels.

I miss wearing high heels.  You look leaner, and they compliment any outfit.

Here are my own reasons for disliking having to live with a disability:

  1. Standing out from the crowd.
  2. Complaining about not feeling well.
  3.  Excusing myself early from something fun.
  4. Not being able to join in on something I know I’d enjoy.
  5. Wearing flats and sneakers all of the time.
  6. Having to sit when I’m tired while everyone else is standing.
  7. Knowing anyone is worrying about me.

I made peace with having a disability a long time ago.  As a writer and health advocate, my professional life is devoted to writing for the disabled community.

But being in Chicago for 3 days with 5,000 other bloggers while trying to learn, network and meet up with friends is something I look forward to, but is creating anxiety for me at the same time.

What’s a girl to do?

Here are a few things I can do for myself (and you can, too) to “de-stress” and prepare for BlogHer:

  1. Use the BlogHer app. I read the agenda and the list of sponsors and speakers from the BlogHer website.  Then I created a general (yet flexible) schedule for myself under “My Schedule”.  Having a central location to check my schedule, detailing when the sessions, breaks and parties are, makes me feel more in control and less anxious.  I’ve shared my schedule with friends, and found other people who will be attending.
  2. Where are the bathrooms?  This is important for people who tire easily or use scooters, walkers or canes.  On the BlogHer app, check out their “Maps” section, or call the Sheraton or McCormick Place for further information. Find out ahead of time where the bathrooms, elevators, escalators or ramps are located.
  3. Prioritize. After looking at all of the sessions, speakers and parties, I’ve prioritized what’s most important to what’s least important.   Attend sessions that are more important for your niche, and skip the ones that are not as relevant.
  4. Rest when you can.  This is a biggie.  Listen to your body; you know the signals. If it’s telling you to slow down and take a break, do it!

Use the Serenity Suite to relax and collect yourself whenever you feel the need to unwind.  (Room 1237 at Sheraton and Room W471A at McCormick)

Lori Luna, VP of Event Operations, kindly provided me with further information on attending sessions at The McCormick:

“There are multiple elevators and escalators so walking up and down is VERY limited.  Nine of the session tracks are all together, and the remaining five are one elevator ride away, and again, lined in a row.  Additionally we'll have a Serenity Suite where you can go and rest while at McCormick Place.  

It can sound daunting and when you see it you might feel the same, but once you navigate it, you will note we are stacked on top of all of our activations so you aren't walking football fields.”

  1. Ask for help: This one took me a long time to do.  But, as my friend Ellen Dolgen, the Menopause Awareness Expert says, “Reaching out is IN!  Suffering in Silence is OUT!”  There’s no shame in asking for help.  Everyone needs help now and then, whether you have a disability or not.  So if you need something, ask, ask ASK.

Attending BlogHer should be a special time for you to completely dedicate to yourself and hone your craft.  So take time to breathe, relax and enjoy yourself.  You deserve it!  

 Note: This post was originally featured on the Generation Fabulous website on July 22, 2013.

 

 

Healthy Living: How A Movie And A Juicer Started My Journey

Weight

"I'm up in the spotlight, oh does it feel right
The altitude seems to really get to me.
I'm up on the tightwire linked by life and the funeral pyre
Putting on a show for you to see." ~Leon Russell

The life of a blogger is a bit like walking a tightrope.  You can choose to balance your steps toward safety, or you can take a leap of faith and blindly jump off the rope while praying you land safely.

I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind by jumping off the rope. I hope I land safely on my feet after writing about the one subject I never discuss: my weight.

I’ve never been thin or obese, yet I’ve never been comfortable with the way I look, whether I weighed 125 or 175 pounds.  It's a matter of my perception; how I view myself and not necessarily how others view me.

I'm not looking to be on the cover of MORE magazine. I don't need to look like Christie Brinkley or Marisa Tomei.  I'm enjoying the new career I've cultivated during the Second Chapter of my life. I simply want to be comfortable with how I look and feel.

Feeling Good

I’ve always had a hate-hate relationship with dieting.  I love all kinds of food; dieting has always meant the need to cut back on the love.

"The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books—how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook." ~Andy Rooney

Today I’m not looking for a diet.  I’m looking for a new way of life.

My family’s genetics scares the hell out of me.  That fear is the driving force behind waging an all-out war against gaining weight.  It’s an uphill battle, and I’m determined to win the war.

Today I stand before you at 54 years old, going through menopause and living with Multiple Sclerosis.  These two factors are enormous obstacles in my quest for better health.

"When we lose twenty pounds..we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have!  We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty."  ~Woody Allen

Recently, a Facebook friend told me to watch “”Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”, a documentary chronicling the life of Joe Cross, a 310 pound man on a mission to get healthy.  We follow his journey across America, with his juicer and camera in tow, drinking only fruits and vegetables for 60 days.  His hope was to lose weight while allowing his body to heal itself from a diagnosed autoimmune disease.

I highly recommend this movie.  It’s educational and uplifting.

Fat Sick and Nearly Dead

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
Photo: www.drfuhrman.com

After watching the documentary I ordered the same Breville juicer Joe used. I then took a hard look at myself by asking, “Do I want to continue sailing through life not liking the way I look and feel?"

I decided to face my fear head-on by broaching my taboo subject during dinner. Out of nowhere I proclaimed, “I want to get healthier and lose weight.”  I thought my husband and son would fall off of their chairs.  I braced myself and waited for it. Nothing happened, except total silence.

Surprised man

Photo:www.comicbookmovie.com

What did happen was what I should have expected.

My husband quietly asked, “How can I help you?”

We spent time talking about healthy eating, exercises I enjoy doing and where could we buy organic fruits and vegetables in bulk.  We already follow a healthy diet at home (much like Dr. Andrew Weil’s book “Eating Well for Optimal Health”), yet I need to create my own eating plan (a/k/a portion control) according to my personal goals.

Eating Well for  Optimum Health

Photo:www.xpter.infoI

I reached out to a Facebook friend, Amanda, who I knew possessed a wealth of knowledge on healthy living.  She was so inspirational (and profound) that I’d like to share her wisdom with you:

“Find things you really love to do, and just do them. Don't feel you have to do "such and such" to be fit.  If you love to take walks, take walks, but don't get stuck thinking just because you can't do other things, it's useless.  I think the main thing is to feel good about whatever you can do.

Then there's food. That is something you can control. So eat healthy. Consider yourself like an expensive car that only takes the best gas. Remember to tell yourself how great you are.  Imagine you are an Olympic superstar, and tell yourself you can do anything.  You can do anything.  You can do anything.

You have to say it, read it, actually see the words. "I can do this. I can do this."

Powerful words.

I’m ready to take the next step toward creating a healthier lifestyle, while facing my personal weight demons. Like all of you, I want to live a life of quality in my fifties, sixties and many years beyond that.

Today really IS the first day of the rest of my life.  Wish me luck!

I will close by offering you the advice of Dr. Christiane Northrup from her book “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom”:

“Nourishing yourself fully also involves understanding that your body’s metabolic processes are profoundly influenced by the following eight factors:

Nourishing yourself optimally means paying attention to each of these areas.”

What healthy habits do you follow to feel and look good?   

=================================================

Feel free to share this post with others. Click the REPLY button (circle on right of post title) to leave a COMMENT.  SUBSCRIBE by clicking on the SUBSCRIBE button.  

DISCLAIMER:  Comments from An Empowered Spirit are brought to your attention on topics that could benefit you and should be discussed with your doctor or other medical professional. I am not medically trained and my posts are of a journalistic nature and not in lieu of medical advice. An Empowered Spirit and its author will not be held liable for any damages incurred from the use of this blog or any data or links provided.

 

Enhanced by Zemanta
Skip to content