The Difficult Lessons Of Silence

Wayne Dyer's karma quote is my daily mantra. It means that everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs whether we agree with them or not. Instead of driving yourself crazy with worry or heartache, or trying your best to change someone's mind, it's better to work on changing your own perspective.

I recently had a conversation with a dear friend who is like a sister to me, and when we discussed relationships she said something very meaningful:

"Sisters accept each other for who they are, with all the cracks and dings and imperfections that we sometimes fear will alienate us from those we care about. Our history joins us and and unites us in love and remembrance."

I loved that.

We can't be all things to all people. We are not everyone's cup of tea. And that's okay. It's taken me a long time to realize that. I used to go out of my way to try and please everyone. I wanted them to like me. I wanted acceptance and I guess, to some extent, even approval.

"You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."~Marcus Aurelius - 121-180 AD, Roman Emperor and Philosopher

We try to be loyal, passionate and thoughtful people, Sometimes that's not enough. Someone may not take the time to get to know us. They don't walk in our shoes. They don't ask how we are. Or sometimes their life is busy or they're facing a life challenge and they need to focus on themselves.

One of the benefits of aging, with its many life lessons, is we learn that the most important person in our life is ourself.

Despite how others treat you it's important to remain true to yourself. How other people feel about us, as Wayne Dyer says, is their karma.

How we react to how they treat us is our karma.

I once knew a woman who was grossly mistreated by a few people in our town. As she resigned from her public office post at a town meeting several of the townspeople were unkind. Instead of retaliating she stood up and read this quote.

It hurts to have anyone be silent toward us. Eventually the hurt dissipates as we remind ourselves that their silence has nothing to do with us and has everything to do with their own story.

This can be a painful lesson to learn, but for the sake of our emotional health it's important that we eventually move on.

My dad always taught me, as Spike Lee's dad must have taught him, to always "Do the right thing." It's what I try to live by, and it's an important lesson for all of us to remember as we face the challenges of life.

How To Create A Brilliant List To Maintain A Brilliant Life

I can't imagine my 56th birthday being more brilliant. Spending an entire day in the company of my husband and son while having their undivided attention - no Sports Center, stock tickers, political arguments or social media - was something I was more than looking forward to.

In our family the birthday girl or boy chooses how they want to spend their special day. More times than not I've wanted to do something cultural in Manhattan. So I gave my husband a list of plays I wanted to see, and he and my son took care of the rest.

We went to the small theatre-in-the-round, the Barrow Street Theatre, to see the creative and interactive one-man show, "Every Brilliant Thing." The play is about a young boy growing up who does his best to distract his suicidal mother by creating a list of joyful things that make life worth living.

This hour-long play stars the charmingly funny Brit Jonny Donohoe who creates a character that is bright, funny and engaging, something that's not easy to do considering the subject at hand. Yet Donohoe handily succeeds.

As an emotionally damaged boy who never stops searching for a happier life, we, the audience, interact with the story according to the lines and roles Donohoe assigns us when we first take our seats. His poignant and honest depiction of how suicide affects a family makes us laugh and cry as we remain ever hopeful that both mother and son will survive intact.

(Not to give too much away, but our favorite brilliant thing on the character's list was, "Christopher Walken's voice....and hair." Ha!)

Like any dedicated blogger, as I sat and watched the play my mind began to race. How could I write about brilliant lists for my blog? Then it dawned on me: Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone would create their own brilliant list? A list that would make them feel happy to write and joyful to read?

Your list will never be finished, because as we age and experience more and more life lessons, we add our positive experiences to our brilliant list. Just like the main character in the play, there are thousands and thousands of reasons why every brilliant thing we love - everything that makes our heart sing or brings a smile to our face - makes a positive difference in our lives.

So on days when you're having some self-doubt or perhaps feeling a little sad, you'll have your brilliant list to comfort you. It will serve as a reminder of the things that matter most - the simple joys that make life worthwhile.

Here are some things that are on my brilliant list. In the comments below I'd love to read what's on your brilliant list. Remember, there is no right or wrong. It's whatever feels brilliant to you!

The sound of my son's laughter.
Snuggling with my husband.
The look of Nirvana in our cat's eyes when I pet them.
Mozart's Flute and Harp Concerto.
The entire album of Carole King's Tapestry, Cat Stevens' Tea for the Tillerman, Frank Sinatra's In the Wee Small Hours and The Beatle's White Album.
The sound of the ocean.
Smelling the fragrance of peonies or roses.
The soft sound of Paul Desmond's alto saxophone in Take Five. And the entire brilliant song.
Any Cary Grant movie.
A good book that absorbs me so much I can't put it down.
Laughing with my girlfriends and talking about anything and everything.
The sound of crickets.
Receiving a handwritten note in the mail.
Spending time in a library or bookstore.
Animals that are rescued and adopted into forever loving homes.
Turner Classics Movie channel.
Butterflies.
A great massage.
The first velvety note of any Nat King Cole song.
Having no new lesions on my brain and spine.
The satisfaction of writing a good sentence, paragraph and post.
Helping others find what they need, or lending a compassionate ear.
The taste of homemade chocolate ice cream completely smothered with homemade hot fudge.
A beautiful sunset.
The first time I saw Paris, the taste of a croissant from any of their patisseries, and hanging out in Giverny and the Tuileries.
Any painting by Monet, Manet, Renoir, Pissaro, Seurat, Sisley, Morisot, Degas. Okay, it's hard to narrow it down.
Money earmarked for research to find cures for anything that is incurable.
The Peanuts characters.
Don Rickles. Johnny Carson. Together or separate.
Walter Huston singing September Song.
Everything in nature.
Being snowed in with my husband and son.
The smell of chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven.
Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol and You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.
The first time I saw Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music.
Knowing you made a difference in someone's life.
The lyrical voice of Joni Mitchell.
Taking a vacation. Where it's warm. With mountains. Or an ocean. Or both. Or a spa. Or moving where it's warm. With mountains. Or an ocean. Or both. Or a spa.
Buying a new pair of shoes that are comfortable yet attractive.
Doing a Downward Dog.
The smell of baby lotion.
The knowledge that the people I love are happy, healthy and doing what they love.
A peaceful world.

What's on your brilliant list?

It's Time To Thank Cezanne, Plato, Mr. Sherburne and YOU

During my senior year of high school I had an extraordinary AP English teacher who not only ignited a deeper love of reading but also engaged my class in lengthy discussions about authors, painters and philosophers.

English: Paul Cezanne's art (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What I learned in his class I continue to carry with me today. That is the sign of a great teacher.

I clearly remember one particular discussion about the great French artist, Paul Cezanne, who my teacher explained painted still-life as if he were looking down at his objects from a higher plane. Cezanne accomplished in his paintings what some writers are able to do in their work, by stepping outside of themselves to see the world from a different and sometimes clearer perspective.

I am not a scholar on the works of the Greek philosopher Plato but I do know that he wrote about entering a higher (or ideal) plane of consciousness. Plato's basic tenets of idealism are similar to Cezanne's method of painting still-life - stepping outside of oneself to take a closer look at the world around him.

I've often applied this concept to my own life, particularly during stressful times. Stepping outside of myself gives me a chance to re-examine a given situation in a new and non-judgmental way. Doing this - taking another look at things - has been helpful and often changes my thoughts, opinions and feelings.

I have found this concept to be, time and time again, extremely helpful in removing some of the stress of every day life, allowing me to become a more joyful person.

Why am I writing about this now? Because last year was not my banner year for several reasons. There was one exception, and that single moment made up for everything else. Perhaps someday I'll write about it instead of being so vague, but for now let's leave it at that.

Before the new year began I found myself once again leaning on the philosophy of Cezanne, Plato and Mr. Sherburne, my English teacher. I stepped outside of myself and glanced over the events of 2014 to try and find a silver lining.

What I found is this: There are things beyond our control that can leave us feeling sad, lonely or hurt. Unfortunately that is a part of life.

What we are in control of are our thoughts and deeds. Changing our perspective and looking at things in a different light can ease stress and worry. It's freeing to lighten your load, paving the way to a life that's more joyful because you've eliminated negative thoughts.

Now it's time to focus on YOU and continuing to work on the life you've always imagined.

END NOTE: The year 2015 began with good news after hearing that An Empowered Spirit won third place in Healthline's Best Health Blog Contest. I'm grateful to so many readers who unconditionally supported the mission of An Empowered Spirit by voting for it.

I heard from people I know and others I've never met. Many took the time to share, like, tweet, private message, email and re-share the contest. And without my knowledge (at first) my dear mother created her own email list to ask people to vote. Pretty savvy of her, don't you think?

Many heartfelt thanks to everyone who supported An Empowered Spirit. I felt your love.

My Christmas Wish For The World

"May you always be blessed
With walls for the wind
Roof for the rain
A warm cup of tea by the fire
Laughter to cheer you
Those you love near you
And all that your heart may desire." ~An Irish Blessing

The Life Of A Sensitive Soul

The road is long, the destination not yet realized. Joy is interspersed with sadness. Smiles alternate with tears.

This is the life of a sensitive soul.

We all share the common quest of wanting to fit in, to be valued and feel like we matter. Without it we feel set adrift in a place of isolation.

Odd man out. Overlooked. On the outside. Excluded. Neglected. Forgotten.

Everyone has two choices. Either we can wallow in self-pity, crying that life isn't fair. This is certainly a path that can lead to self-destruction.

Or we can choose to face our reality, knowing that we can never be all things to all people. Recognize our truth, accept it and be grateful.

And then move on.

The blessings we can allow ourselves to experience lies in our ability to love one another despite our differences. This can be very freeing. And once we've done the work and learned how to master that skill, life will be so much sweeter.

I'll meet you on that side.

♥♥♥♥

NOTE: I made it! This is the last day of National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) for the month of November. It was an important exercise that taught me I can set aside time every day to write. Hooray!

It was my great fortune to be in the company of a group of talented women writers who took this journey with me. We read and commented on each other's posts every day. Through their stories I learned more about the art of good writing and the many gifts of friendship. I thank every one of them.

A Thanksgiving Wish In Photos And Verse

Are you sick and tired of reading posts about gratitude and why it's important to count your blessings? Did you say yes?

Well, brace yourself for one more. Because I have so much to be thankful for, and there's no better day than today to show my love and gratitude for all of the blessings in my life.

The photos below show only a portion of what I am thankful for. My apologies to anyone I inadvertently left out or don't have a photo of.

If you are reading this that means you've added some special meaning to my life, and for that I thank you with a poem by Emerson:

Cultivate a habit of being grateful.

For every good thing that comes to you,

and to give thanks continuously,

and because all things have contributed,

to your advancement,

you should include all things in your gratitude.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Chester Family wishes you and your loved ones a joyful Thanksgiving!!

It's Time To Tell The Truth

I'm sure you've been waiting impatiently to find out what I was lying about yesterday. I hope your day went smoothly despite your curious nature chipping away at you while you wondered about my lie. I hope I didn't disturb your day too much.

I'd like to thank my fellow liars-in-crime (whose blogs I'll be heading over to because I'm dying to find out what they were lying about!): Doreen, Elin, Lois, Angela, Mary B, Elaine, Linda, Jackie, and Jamie. Remind me to never get in a poker game with any of you.

Before I reveal my answers, l want to pause a moment to reflect where I was 26 years ago today. Because as I type this post I am wearing a turtleneck, sweatshirt, sweat pants and wool socks because it's f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g outside. Here is where I was. Beam me back over there now, Scotty!

November 21, 1988: Our honeymoon. You don't see water that color at the Jersey shore. I want to go back there now!

Finally, here's the big reveal from yesterday's post:

1. TRUE: I wrote in the past that while working for a large real estate firm in Manhattan I was the token Jersey Girl with a car. So I (naively) said yes to driving to all 5 boroughs to conduct closings. I got to know a married attorney who represented many buyers. He wanted to "thank me" (translation: have a fling) and propositioned me at lunch at the 4-star restaurant, Lutece. I was very young, and in retrospect I wish I flung a glass of wine at him and left, but I stayed for the entire uncomfortable meal. Back at the office I was flustered and told my boss who became outraged and took care of the situation. Let's just say I never saw that man again.

2. TRUE: During lunch hour from the same real estate firm I was walking down Sixth Avenue when a camera crew approached me. They wanted people on the street to ask questions for Mayor Koch for that evening's 6 o'clock news. At that time people were clamoring for him to lower taxes, so I asked him to lower them. I knew I'd never make it home in time to see the program, so I called my brother and he recorded it on his SONY Betamax. I wish I could watch it today!

3. TRUE: My new boyfriend and I were invited to a black tie New Year's Eve party and I wanted to impress him and his friends, but I didn't know how. After discussing it with my mother, we decided to approach one of her friend's who was a master chef/baker. Oh, what a foolish girl I was! I told everyone at the party that I made the cake!! Unfortunately one of the guests was a professional caterer, and she gave me her card and offered me a job. That lie ended up smacking me in the face and I more than deserved it. The guy ended up being a total jerk. I learned some very powerful life lessons that evening.

4. TRUE: I've told the story before about a friend of mine working on a film and inviting me onto the set to meet Harold Ramis (loved), Robert DeNiro (too busy getting into character) and Billy Crystal. A little background: My friend was the first one to introduce me to bacon (at age 16) because I wasn't allowed to eat anything from a pig. When her mom found out she made me a BLT she said she'd end up in Hell! So my friend told Billy Crystal this story and he laughed, and then struck up a conversation with me about keeping kosher and using one set of dishes for meat and the other for dairy He was endearing and hysterically funny.

5. FALSE: Many of you said you believed the story about getting to the tropical island, but not about loving the small airplane. You were so right! That tiny plane carried around 30 people and I swore I would die as a newlywed. I felt nauseous when we landed. I dislike small planes and I definitely have a fear of heights.

Our luggage didn't arrive with us, so there we were in this beautiful oasis in our heavy winter clothing. Oy vey. Thank goodness the suitcases arrived later that day. We grabbed our suits and headed to the water. Ahh. All's well that ends well.

6. TRUE: One summer my friend and I did work on an assembly line. It was the most boring job I ever had. On top of that, we were grouped with the full-time ladies who hated us because they knew we'd be heading back to college in August and they'd still be there. It didn't help that one of the young men had a crush on my friend, and one of the assembly ladies had a crush on him. Nice little soap opera, eh? (By the way, Mary Bird, I really don't know the name of the widget or appliance because I don't remember what we worked on! It was a long time ago. Ah, memory....Ha!)

This was a lot of fun! Thanks a lot for playing.

My Anniversary, A Few Truths And One Great Big Fat Lie

I'm always up for something fun, especially since I'm almost in the homestretch of NaBloPoMo. So I was more than happy when the lovely Elin Stebbins Waldal of Beyond the Backyard Blues invited me and a few of my blogging buddies to play a game that begins today.

But I wasn't sure if I wanted to participate because, you see, today is my 26th wedding anniversary. The day I walked down the aisle and exchanged vows under the chuppah with my best friend.

Our journey together has been like most marriages, filled with ups and downs that, in the end, has drawn us closer together. I cherish my husband and our life together, and the way he makes me feel beautiful and valued each and every day.

The icing on our cake was the birth of our incredible son who is the joy of our lives. Together the three of us are a team, and I am mindful every day how blessed we truly are.

Now back to the game. I am going to write 5 truths and 1 lie about myself and you must decide which one is the lie. Can you spot it? Leave your comments below, and tomorrow I will reveal the answer.

A married man once asked me to be his mistress, and if I said yes he said he would rent an apartment to be our cozy little love nest.
I asked former New York City Mayor Ed Koch to lower the city's taxes.
I had a chef bake a specialty cake for me, then told my date that I baked it.
Billy Crystal asked me if I grew up in a family where we had two sets of dishes, one for dairy and one for meat.
I love flying in small airplanes. Our honeymoon was in Little Dix Bay on the island of Virgin Gorda. We flew to Puerto Rico, then took a tiny plane to the island. It was exhilarating.
I worked on an assembly line in a factory where my job was to place a tiny widget on top of every appliance that rolled by on a conveyor belt.

You Have A Permanent Place In My Heart. Forever.

I love the MS community that I speak to each day for their strength, courage and unconditional commitment to support one another. They have taught me so much. Our bond has become stronger lately as we deal with the most serious of issues, more than I can say. The only way I know how to process the hand that's been dealt is through writing, so I wrote this piece of poetry for myself. I now share it with you.

Time is fleeting.

In a mind's eye I clearly see myself swimming back,
back upstream when the change of seasons was seamless,
the hours in a day were long,
and loved ones seemed immortal.

Skipping rope and slumber parties,
quickly changed,
when I gently closed my eyes, then opened them,
to see a new pink Princess phone,
bell bottomed jeans,
and books about teenage angst.

Days flow into years,
and years swiftly pass.
I try hard to hold on to the light,
to the peaceful places I love,
and the love and warmth that envelops me,
but still the night calls.

Time is transient,
and life is momentary.

So I close my eyes less,
to make each day longer,
and linger over every second,
as if it were my last.

I cherish the now,
Of you, of me and of us,
until we must say good-bye.

You have a permanent place in my heart.

Forever.

The Magic Of A Bookstore. If You Can Still Find One.

“I love walking into a bookstore. It's like all my friends are sitting on shelves, waving their pages at me.” ~Tahereh Mafi

Yesterday my husband had to meet a client in the late afternoon. We'd planned on attending a jazz concert at that time at a local college, but late Sunday afternoon was the only time his client was available.

I was disappointed that we weren't going to attend the concert, something we enjoyed together on a semi-regular basis. But when he told me his meeting was at Barnes and Noble, a favorite hangout I hadn't visited in a long time, my mood changed.

I was delighted.

Being weaned on books by two parents who are still avid readers, reading has always played an important role in my life. I was an English literature major in college because of it, and became a writer to try to weave words together to tell a good story.

I admittedly order my books from Amazon or directly onto my Kindle. I say "admittedly" because when people first started using tablets or ordering online I was a little embarrassed and, not wanting to be lambasted by my book group, I'd say things like, "I hardly order online" or "I still prefer buying the actual book from a bookstore, but if I'm traveling the tablet is easier."

With the advent of the Internet and the demise of the bookstore I feel sad thinking that my son's generation and the ones who follow won't know what it feels like to lose yourself in a bookstore for hours. What the smell and tactile sensation of touching and leafing through book after book does for the soul. What it feels like to sit cross-legged on the floor, thoroughly absorbed in the prose of what you are reading.

Mom passing on her love of reading to two of her grandsons

When my son was young we had fun going to Barnes and Noble's Storytime when parents would bring their young children to have stories read aloud. It was a magical time for us, and afterward I would tell my son to choose a book he'd like to bring home.

Sigh. I miss those days.

When I walked into the store yesterday it was like visiting an old friend. That smell - ah - how I love that book smell that pours over you. It's as calming and restorative as smelling the fragrance of peonies.

The store seemed more crowded now with it's holiday offerings and displays of specially priced books. But to me it was like going home. And the hour and a half that I had to myself seemed magical. Not only because I had a chance to leisurely peruse book after book, but also because my momentary flashes of memories brought me back to a time and place of complete serenity.

That is the power of a bookstore.

How One Simple Act Of Kindness Can Make A Difference

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love this quote because it reminds me of the hope I hold in my heart that if my work makes a difference to someone else then I know my life has had meaning.

It feels good to help others the way that others have helped me. As Emerson said, I breathe easier.

There were times in my life when I felt trapped by illness, depression or the inability to care for myself. During those darkest days I was blessed by the gifts of unconditional love and support from my family.

I also received long distance surprises that helped shine a bright light on me. All of these positive forces from family and friends helped to bring me out of my darkness.

A NaBloPoMo prompt reminded me of this. It said:

"Tell us about one time that you benefitted from the kindness of strangers."

I liked the idea of this, but what came to mind was the kindness of friends who live far away.

I often write about the short-lived depression I suffered a few summers ago. My hormones were out-of-balance after living through incredible pain, two surgeries and a few other minor procedures. I was in the doldrums with no will to eat, walk or socialize.

I was not myself.

Three friends. Three gifts.

Then something wonderful happened. A package arrived at our front door. My husband brought the box to me and opened it. We unwrapped the beautiful packaging together to find a soft, beautifully knit moss-colored prayer shawl. The card revealed that a special knitting circle from a church in Texas made the shawl especially for me. The card was signed by a dear friend who took part in the circle.

I cried at the beauty of this gesture and wrapped the blanket around me. I felt the love from this group of women envelop me. It was a powerful moment.

A few days later another package arrived and again we unwrapped it together. Inside we found a brightly painted piece of artwork with the word "BLESSED" embellished across the bottom. Another powerful moment.

And, yes, a third package arrived at our door. In it was a simple yet spiritually meaningful book that I continue to turn to again and again for comfort. It, too, was a powerful moment in time.

These gifts were unexpected, and together they reminded me of the blessings we have and the joy we derive from the simplest acts of kindness.

"I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance." ~Anonymous

I often reflect on the miracles that change the course of our lives, and how positive thoughts and deeds help to make that difference. I know it made one in mine.

It's what brought me back into the light that summer, and gave me the chance to, hopefully, pass that light onto others.

Have you ever received an unexpected surprise that made a difference in your life?

We're All On The Same Team, Aren't We?

I recently wrote a post about my journey of diagnosis and how I first came to understand the importance of body, mind and soul and if the three are in alignment our bodies move closer to better health.

In the world of Multiple Sclerosis there are four classifications of MS, and the "type" I have is the "best" kind. My issues are mostly invisible to the naked eye, but every day is still a struggle that I still have to manage as best as I can.

Others in the MS community don't have invisible MS.Their issues run the gamut from inability to walk or speak clearly to cognitive dysfunction and/or bowel and bladder issues. Some are forced to retire, and others rarely leave home. Their world is more difficult than mine.(You can read more about MS here on the National Multiple Sclerosis Society website.)

When I began to blog about MS I didn't know how I'd write about our disease, wondering how to be all-inclusive about every type.

I always try to do my best by keeping the entire community in mind. But as any writer knows I have to WRITE WHAT I KNOW.

It's impossible to be all things to all people. So I took the plunge and began following the old adage. I wrote about my life experiences, hoping that what I write will resonate with readers. Then I remembered a quote by Winston Churchill:

But hell hath no fury like a reader who feels scorned. After my post appeared about the benefit of the mind/body connection, I received an angry comment that went something like this:

"I am SO happy HER world works. It depends on her severity, but it doesn't sound too extreme. I'm strong and push through the pains in my world. But I can't work and sometimes I can't walk. Maybe your words will help someone. Except your sort of sounding like the cheerleader, all fit, perfect figure, great husband, kids, works out, has a wonderful job and is blessed her MS is under control from one MS medication. SERIOUSLY? Nice try drug company to use her for your prop. How much did you pay her? Does she really have MS? Yep, I've got some issues with people's happy "Oh look at me!" stories."

I was stunned and felt a little hurt. But after reading it over again (and again) I felt this person's anger. It wasn't necessarily toward me, but toward MS and her situation. Being unable to walk or work is a terrible burden to bear.

In my reply I told her that we are part of a great community and need to embrace, support and empower each other. We are on the same team and need to recognize the value in that.

In writing to her it reminded me of the women I've met in my online blogging community, the midlife bloggers who have become my good friends. We embrace, support and empower each other. That sense of community is powerful and has lifted me up for the past two years.

I also adore my MS community. The people I've met empower me with their constant strength and kindness, helping me to become a stronger person every day.

My hope is that the angry reader will realize that being part of a caring community is healthier than wallowing in anger. As with everything in life, being part of a team, any loving team, is better for us. Don't you agree?

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